Before, During and After
by Chadini
Summary: Sara wants to meet Judy to talk about "the letter." Spoilers for season 9. Prompts for GeekFiction ficathon were beef stew, pancakes and strawberry banana smoothie.


_**Before**_

The kitchen was silent as they each put away the groceries. She placed each item on the counter and he put them in the cupboard or refrigerator.

"You haven't answered me yet. What should I do? Should I meet her?" she asked while handing him a carton of mint chocolate chip.

"I think you already know my answer," he said while trying to rearrange the freezer to fit the container. He shook his head, thinking that men were not only better at packing a trunk, but it would seem packing a freezer as well.

Sighing heavily, she needed an answer from him. "Seriously, I want to hear what you think, Sara wants to meet for coffee, and I think this may be when she lets me have it," she said while handing him three boxes of pizza rolls.

"How much more is there?" he asked, trying to stuff the boxes into nooks and crannies like a live action game of Tetris. "Look, honestly, I think you should just tell her to go to hell, none of it was your fault."

He reached out behind him with his head still in the freezer, grabbing only air. "Hey…" as he pulled his head out of the freezer, he immediately knew he was in trouble. His girlfriend had a look on her face that he couldn't quite recognize, with her arms crossed stiffly across her body. "Judy…"

"Don't Judy me! We've been over this before. Some crazy girl that worked at the lab – someone I went to lunch with – stalked her, tasered her and then left her for dead in the middle of the desert, crushed under a car no less! So I completely understand if she wants to get me fired or throw a drink on me or something."

He cautiously stepped closer to her, pulling her to him and wrapping her in a tight embrace. "Hey, look, I'm sorry, but you asked my opinion and I first, don't think it is your fault at all, and second, I think its shitty that she left you to break up with her boyfriend, or boss or whatever he is. She may want to apologize to you."

She leaned back, opening her mouth to protest his comment. She didn't really know what it was that Sara wanted to talk to her about, and she was letting her mind run wild.

"Stop," he said, raising a hand up. "If you want to meet her to talk about all of this, that's fine, but you need to tell her how you feel."

Wiping her eyes, Judy nodded.

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise." She said, smiling at his concern.

"Now, what say I whip up a batch of my famous beef stew for dinner?"

"Famous is right…how about if we just go out?"

_**During**_

The butterflies in Sara's stomach were having a field day. She had put off her apology to Judy for too long and now every worst case scenario seemed probable. With Grissom's gentle prompting, Sara invited Judy out to talk – away from the lab and its constant urgent interruptions, and away from the snoops and busy bodies. She had enough of those to last a lifetime.

Since returning from San Francisco, Judy had been civil and polite, but Sara feared that she harbored anger against her for leaving Grissom's letter in her hands. It was cowardly, but necessary for survival at the time. She and Grissom had discussed the letter, and her heart ached when she heard the words directly from him how much it hurt. Hodges was of course helpful enough to inform her that Grissom looked like the kid whose dog got hit by a car on the same day that he found out there was no Santa Claus.

Sara arrived at one of the favorite lab dives, known more for its milkshakes and burgers than its cleanliness, a little early, hoping to get comfortable and her nerves under control.

Judy had the same idea, sitting in a booth by the door, picking at the napkin in front of her.

With a subtle smile and wave, Sara walked over to the booth and slid in across from Judy.

"Hey Sara," Judy said quietly, more to the table than to Sara.

"Hey," Sara echoed back.

"So girls, what'll it be?" asked the server, startling both women. Grabbing a pencil out of her hair, she looked to Judy first and then to Sara, impatient for them to order.

"Ummm…I'll have a strawberry banana smoothie," said Judy.

"Honey, do we look like the type of place that has smoothies?" the server snarked, pointing out the other patrons, none of which looked the smoothie type. "How about a strawberry milkshake?"

Judy nodded.

Turning her attention to Sara, the server asked, "What about you?"

"I'll take the same thanks," Sara said, not really wanting anything to eat or drink anyway.

The server scooped up the menus that they never had a chance to look at and made her way through the busy diner, leaving Sara and Judy back to their uncomfortable silence.

"I'm glad that you could make it," Sara started.

"Yeah, thanks for inviting me."

"So, how are things?" Sara asked, avoiding any eye contact with Judy, who was doing the same.

"Fine, fine. You?" Judy asked while pushing her glasses back up onto the bridge of her nose.

"Fine…look Judy, I should have said this before – I wanted to say I'm sorry. I never should have, I mean, I never meant to put you in the middle of Grissom and…it's just…" Sara trailed off, not at all sure where she was going. The words were tumbling out, barely in an order that made sense to her.

"Its ok Sara. I felt bad too. I thought for sure you hated me."

Sara strained to hear what Judy was saying, "Hated you? Why would I hate you?"

Judy didn't even seem to hear Sara, continuing more for herself than anyone else. "You would think that after all of these years being surrounded by all of you CSIs, I would have picked up something."

Sara was completely confused, she had planned on getting something dumped on her head and she was at the receiving end of an apology. "Judy, what are you talking about? You don't think that you could have known what was going to happen do you?"

Judy looked up at Sara sadly, "I saw her everyday. I.. she asked about you – about everyone, about the lab, "

Sara was completely motionless, frozen by what she was hearing. She knew that Natalie had stalked her, mapped out her every movement, planned her death to the most insignificant detail, but to actually hear it? Going to court was going to be more difficult that she had ever imagined.

Sara's silence urged Judy to continue. "I never told her anything specific, but I thought that they were all normal questions that everyone has when they start a new job. How is everyone, who to look out for, where to go to lunch…oh God…" Seeing Sara in front of her, it occurred to Judy that she told her about Sara's favorite vegetarian restaurant. The one that she went to the night she was abducted. "Sara, this was all my fault," she confessed in a whisper.

Sara stared blankly in front of her, trying to process what she was being told. "Judy, it wasn't your fault. She had been following Gil and me for weeks. She even knew my regular parking spot. She had drawings of me at the dry cleaner, walking Hank, everything. The point is, she knew everything about me, you didn't do anything wrong."

Sara chuckled, "And to think, I brought you here to apologize for leaving my goodbye letter with you."

"Well, that was tough. He was really sad."

The truth of Judy's words stung Sara. "You're right, he was sad. So was I."

Looking up hopefully, Judy asked, "But you and Dr. Grissom are ok now right?"

"Yes, we are. We're ok now."

_**After**_

Sara made a beeline for the couch, plopping down unceremoniously with a loud "whoomp" on the worn leather. The events of the morning had been more mental exhausting than she thought they would be. If she had the energy, she would swing her legs over and stretch out completely on the couch. But the mere thought of the extra effort caused her to sink deeper into the cushions.

Sensing her mood, Hank came over and stared for a second, hoping that maybe she would reach over and pet him. With no move on her part, he stepped closer to her so he could rest his head on her lap..

A small smile formed as she began to mindlessly rub his head and scruff his ears.

Grissom had been watching her since the minute she walked in the door. He sighed, knowing that this was going to be the first in a long series of difficult days. As much as she wanted to know every detail of her case, he had tried to shield her. Those days were over.

"So how did it go?" he asked, slightly startling her.

Sara shrugged noncommittally. "Fine, I guess. Would you believe that Judy blamed herself for Natalie?"

Grissom nodded, knowing that she did. He never had the heart to tell her, afraid that it would be one more thing that would keep her away. On several occasions he tried to talk to Judy, but she would never listen and would quickly change the subject. It was Hodges that later told him the truth.

Turning around to look at Grissom, "You knew the truth didn't you?" Sara asked, with more of an edge in her voice than she had intended.

"Hodges may have mentioned something," Grissom said truthfully. Coming down from the kitchen, Grissom sat next to her on the couch, outing an arm around her as he reached over to pet Hank. "I was worried and I didn't want to make coming back any harder on you."

"There's going to be more you know…you can't protect me from everything.'

"No, but I can try."

"Do you smell something burning?"

Grissom jumped up from the couch to run into the kitchen, "Damn it," Grissom muttered while observing his burnt mess in the skillet.

"What were you making?" Sara called out from the couch.

"I thought you might like some chocolate chip pancakes."

"I love those."

"I know. That is why I made them."


End file.
